Sunday, 9 September 2012

Fifty Shades of Abuse


I first became aware of Fifty Shades in the US on a family holiday last Easter. We were in Boston, one of the most literate and creative cities in the States, and there was an article in the Boston Globe about this phenomenon- they called it 'mummy porn', and explained that what had started as an e-book had become such a talking point amongst California housewives that the text went to print. Later that day several of the bookshops had displays of all three volumes. I dismissed this as an American trend, but on returning to the UK discovered that it was on sale here and that ELJames was a Brit.

Now for any writer, word of mouth recommendation, the 'Tube Book of the Moment', and people following a trend is manna from heaven. Salmon Fishing in the Yemen, One Day, Captain Corelli's Mandolin, the Millennium Trilogy and of course the Harry Potter series all sold, it could be argued, in the volumes they did because of this particular channel of communication.

In June 2012 however Fifty Shades took off and copies were being passed around  and conversation about the 'raunchy bits' were rife. I am no prude, but I found the way in which these were described in conversation bawdy at best, uncomfortable at its worse.

An initial thought was 'at least they're reading' even if it was only because everyone else was. We are in a more sexually liberated and egalitarian society than some decades ago, and women are just as entitled to talk  openly about sex as men so often do. However the more that I listened to conversations, it made me realise that these were not just 'books with some shagging'! I haven't read them, but have seen enough on blogs, in synopses, and being next to a woman on the plane this summer reading it, where the words 'he tied me up, and f***ed me hard up the a***' caught my eye. I am no literary fascist either; people need to make their own minds up about what they read.

I used to work in the City of London, and a more sexist, misogynist and repressive atmosphere couldn't be imagined. Extra-marital affairs seemed not only the norm, but compulsory, strippers brought in for birthdays, and always someone who appeared to be the source of hard core, illegal and quite depraved  pornography. As a young man, single and I was told 'not bad looking' it was assumed that every woman I spoke to I was trying to get into bed. Any notion that I was talking to them as friends or equals was beyond many people. Any attempt to explain myself was often met with a harsh 'You must be a poofter then!'. 

So, we can see; deeply held opinions about the role of women from a large section of men in UK society. Which brings us back to Fifty Shades. http://www.50shadesisdomesticabuse.webs.com is the website of a group which campaigns against the domestic and sexual abuse encouraged in this book. There is much anecdotal evidence to suggest that behaviours and attitudes amongst women are changing as a result of these books and that some of the things that the female lead allows to be done to her are becoming commonplace. Yes I did write 'allows to be done to her'; in an era of Germain Greer and Erica Jong I perhaps mistakenly thought that this was a thing of the past. Consider this alongside the evidence that teenagers and even younger children are getting their sexual education from internet pornography, and that threesomes, anal intercourse, and encouraging girls to experiment in faux lesbian sex are regarded by many younger people as acceptable, as too it would seem is the use of violence in sexual conduct, or the use of it if sex is refused. As a father to two pretty daughters, that concerns me, though my wife and I have encouraged them to be tough, independent and to know their own minds.

I have a writers blog http://supposeshakespearestartedthiswaytoo.blogspot.co.uk/  I have included  on there three parodies of Fifty Shades, as a bit of gentle mocking of the tastes of some of my colleagues.  I sincerely hope they are reading it only for some light relief and have no desire to be involved in some of the activities described within.  

Domestic violence, sexual violence, rape; it's not rocket science to say it is unacceptable. None are about sex, they are about power. The one time I served on a jury, we convicted a man of rape, of his own sister believe it or not, but that was about power within a family, and not about sex, even though it was a sexual act. He objected to the majority of women on the jury, tried to appeal to the feelings of the three of us, not realising we were of similar opinions to each other, probably more strongly held than some of our female jurors.

It would be naive to suggest that the sexual revolution has ended abuse of women by men, though it has highlighted it's existence. 

I have few close male friends, mainly because I don't associate myself with attitudes like that ones so described. I have many close female friends, strong, intelligent and beautiful; my former colleagues and a number of other men couldn't get that concept, and of the notion of loyalty and fidelity that goes with it.

I am not alone in this though. There are plenty of like minded men out there who would not dream for one minute of treating a woman in such an abusive way. The behaviours that Fifty Shades encourages may only be acted out by a minority, but one case will be one too many. I sincerely hope that the legacy of this trilogy is just in the volume of book sales, and not in a case of someone meeting an untimely end as a result of what it seems to make acceptable.

1 comment:

  1. Of course it is very important to keep in mind that the 50 Shades books do not portray a healthy and fulfilling BDSM relationship. BDSM or D/s relationships are not the same as domestic violence.

    Mollyxxx

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